Mother's Day

For Mother's Day this year Tracy made me delicious mushroom burgers and Gracie, Tracy and I sat around the firepit and roasted marshmallows. It was so nice and relaxing :)

Mother's Day is such a special day for me. Not only because of the obvious reason of being a Mom but also because it was Mother's Day 2008 at 9:05am when my sweet little girl Gracie was born. I have been meaning to write our little story on our blog for...well...three years now and I am finally sitting down to write about it. I kind of look at my blog as a photo album for our family and in particular for Gracie and I want her to know when she is older, how special she is to Tracy and I and how much she completed our little family.

Three years ago, we were living in Virginia and preparing for the birth of our little girl, Grace. We knew from the time that we found out we were having a girl that her name would be Grace. I don't know how we knew, but we did and amazingly we both agreed on the name on the day we had the ultrasound that showed us she was a girl. Three years ago Tracy was finishing his third year of medical school and I was working at Tekoa. Gracie was due to be born on May 17th, 2008 and I was one week away from that due date. During the week of May 5th through the 9th, I worked frantically in order to complete office work, so that I would be prepared for maternity leave. I remember that week feeling as though I had to make sure I did EVERYTHING. I was convinced she would come late, but felt this compulsion to clear out my office and plan as many girls nights out as possible. I think on some level I knew she would come that weekend.

I remember Friday breathing a sigh of relief when I hauled home books, shelves, paperwork, and a million other things so that someone else could take over my office and clients. Tracy left midweek for a conference in Arizona and was not to return until Sunday evening. I felt calm and excited for a weekend with friends and my sister in law... to go and have dinner, watch movies, devour chocolate and get my hair done.

Friday morning I met with my OBGYN, Dr. Roberts (the best OB ever!) and he told me that I was not dilated at all. I remember distinctly that he asked me how Tracy was doing and I said he was in Arizona and Dr. Roberts looked at me and asked..."But what if you have the baby this weekend? What is Tracy going to do?" And I replied, "I'm not going to have the baby, Dr. Roberts!" and then I laughed a little bit uneasily and then said "But if I do, Tracy will catch a plane and come home. Labor takes a long time, right?" I remember laughing again and he gave me this look that kind of seemed to say "YOU have NO idea what you are talking about" although he is way too nice to say it out loud.

Friday evening, Holli and I headed over to our friend Crystal's house to watch movies and eat, eat eat. At this point in my pregnancy I thought about food ALL the time and regularly devoured enormous quantities of chips, homemade macaroni and cheese, and as many chocolate chip cookies as possible. I remember during the movie getting VERY uncomfortable and feeling as though I was having really bad cramps. I had the hardest time focusing on the movie, even though I was so excited to see it. I asked my friends, who were all mom's, about my "cramps" and they tried to reassure me that it was probably nothing. I was starting to get a bit nervous. I had never had one single contraction throughout my pregnancy and had NO idea what one might feel like, but I was starting to suspect that something was going on. I went home after the movie and called Tracy. I told him that I was having some "cramps" that were possible contractions. He asked me if I thought I was going into labor and I said "No way!" I remember telling him I would be fine and then I tried to go to bed. Pretty soon I noticed that the pain was more severe and that they were coming every nine minutes and then every six minutes...and then every four minutes and then every three minutes. By two in the morning I was doubled up crying and decided to take a warm shower to calm myself down. I was pretty scared by then but didn't want to over react. I waited until about four am and called the hospital to talk to a nurse. The nurse that I spoke with reassured me that I was probably just having contractions and labor could be days or even a week or two away. She asked me if my water had broken and I said "no". I got off the phone around 5am and soon after the contractions stopped completely. I fell asleep until around 9:30 am and then pulled up my hair and put on some sweats to go get my hair done. I was determined to continue my weekend of pampering and was now much more confident that I had more time. The thought that I had repeatedly throughout the night was "I'm not ready for this! I'm not ready for this! I'M NOT READY FOR THIS!" And it seemed to become louder and more terrifying in my head as the contractions became more painful and closer together. In the light of the morning I was certain that I had simply overreacted to having a few contractions. So, I went to my hair appointment, went out to lunch by myself, took a short nap and got ready to go out to dinner with Holli. We planned to go eat delicious food and go to a movie and maybe do a little shopping and I did not want to miss out on possibly my last girls night out for a while.

Around 5pm I started to feel a little uneasy. I was worried that maybe I had been leaking amniotic fluid and hadn't realized it. I called the hospital and told a nurse about my concern. She told me that it was probably nothing, but that I should come in and be tested to make sure that I wasn't. I remember getting off the phone and Holli was at my house to pick me up. I told her that we needed to stop at the hospital before we went out for the night, but that I was "pretty sure" that it was nothing. She asked me if I wanted to take a bag, just in case, and I said "no". I think that I said that because if I took the bag than I was admitting to myself that maybe...possibly...probably...I was going into labor.

Well, we went to the hospital and a very nice nurse gave me the test and after a few minutes told me that I wasn't leaking any fluid and that I would be free to go. No sooner had I released a relieved breath, then she said "Oh wait. I was wrong. The test DOES show that you are leaking amniotic fluid. Let me call your doctor." That is when I realized that this was really going to happen, whether I was ready or not. I tried to stay calm and asked Holli to go and get my overnight bag/baby bag. I called Tracy and told him that I may be in labor. We both panicked a little on the phone when we realized that the baby may come, whether we were ready and whether Tracy was there or not.

I remember Doctor Robert's coming in about 30 minutes later and telling me that I was going to have the baby. That is when I really freaked out. I remember calling Tracy and I was REALLY nervous. I remember that he asked me if he should keep his regularly scheduled flight if the baby came quickly. I really panicked then. I might have to do this alone. I said something to Tracy like "Do whatever you want. I can't talk to you anymore." I was angry and scared, but mostly just scared. When Tracy left for the conference we both felt strongly that he should be there and agreed that he needed to go to help increase his chances of getting into an Opthalmology residency. However, at that moment I completely blamed Tracy for abandoning me.

Somewhere between the nurse talking to me and Holli returning to the hospital, my water completely broke. I remember thinking "I am sooo glad that I wasn't at a restaurant when that happened." When Holli returned I was taken to a private birthing room and watched Holli and Dr. Roberts both talk with Tracy on the phone as he figured out the fastest way to get home in time to see his baby girl born.

Once in the birthing room I was visited periodically by nurses who checked in on me. Everyone commented on my hot pink polka dot toes as they examined me. I had gone the week before with a few friends and Holli and Karli to get a pedicure. At the time I wanted something "girly" and fun and since Gracie's room was decorated in polka dots and was pink and green I thought that my toes should match :) It ended up being a huge topic of conversation the entire evening as my labor progressed. I began having contractions, that increased in both intensity and pain. When my labor had progressed to the point where I could have an epidural I gladly and happily let the anisthesiologist put a needle in my back and inject the pain numbing drugs into my tired body. I began to relax and I laid down to rest before the hard labor began. Holli was with me the entire time and laid down on the couch to rest.

Prior to labor the plan was for Tracy and I to be at the hospital alone. I wasn't sure how I felt about sharing this intimate experience with anyone other than Tracy. However, on the night of May 10, 2008, Tracy wasn't there and luckily Holli was, because I REALLY needed her. She stayed by my side the entire night and fed me ice chips. She helped me walk around the hospital to alleviate the pain in my back and help the labor to progress. She rubbed my hand and my hair when the pain became unbearable and when the epidural didn't work after the first, second and third injection she told me that I could do this, although I felt sure that I couldn't. The only thing the epidural did for me was make my legs feel weak and numb and around 4am the hard labor began. The doctor and nurses were sure that Grace would come out within a couple of hours. However, she didn't. By 6am I was completely unable to hold my legs up and Holli and a wonderful nurse held my numb legs as I worked to push her out. She continued to move forward and slide back. I was so tired that I began to fall asleep between contractions. Still Holli didn't move from my side. Once in a while I heard her talking with Tracy, who I was informed had caught a flight to Greensboro, NC and Brad was picking him up at the airport and driving him directly to the hospital. By 8am I thought I may die if this baby didn't come out! At 8:25 am there was a commotion by the door and in came Tracy. All the nurses and Dr. Roberts seemed to disappear for a moment. Holli moved off to the side and Tracy ran over to me. We both burst into tears and he apologized and we hugged. Then another contraction hit and everyone who had disappeared moved forward again to our side. I remember Dr. Roberts giving Tracy surgical gloves and clothes as he quickly dressed. Now Gracie could come. I looked around a little frantically for Holli and asking her to come back to hold my hand. I finally felt ready. I focused on Holli's voice, Dr. Robert's voice and finally Tracy's voice and closed my eyes.

Three or four contractions later, Grace Virginia Carter was born. She came out into her Daddy's arms and he held her and placed her on my chest. I heard her before I saw her and I knew that she was the little girl I felt inside of me for 9 long months. She came out screaming and beating her fists and I finally got to see the beautiful little hands and toes that kicked at my stomach for so many nights as I tried to sleep. I knew her in an instant. And although I was terrified, I felt so completely excited and happy to finally have her in my arms.

She was wisked away, given a bath, a series of tests, while Dr. Roberts stitched me up and the wonderful nurses helped me clean up and prepare to care for my new little girl. I was so tired but I couldn't sleep at all that day because I was so excited, scared, happy, nervous, anxious, and overjoyed.

Holli left to go home and get some sleep and Tracy went to get some things at home. Gracie and I spent our first hours alone together as Mother and daughter as I held her, nursed her, and just looked at every finger and toe. I was so grateful for her and I was so grateful for the blessings that Heavenly Father had given me. He knew that I needed Holli and he kept her with me to comfort me through all those long, scary hours as I waited for Tracy. He sent me amazing nurses and a phenomenal doctor to guide me through the process and help me feel as though what I was going through was natural, although it felt anything but. He allowed Tracy to be there in time to catch his little girl in his hands and hand her to me. He gave me this beautiful healthy little girl to love and cherish...on Mother's Day :) I couldn't have had a more perfect day.

Every year since this day I have been a little weepy on Mother's Day. Every year I think of the the angels both seen and unseen that cared for me throughout my daughters birth and I feel so much love and gratitude. When Grace was born Holli became one of my sisters. Although I have five other amazing sisters, I have added one more :) I like to think my sister Merrick was there too...holding my hands and whispering comfort to me.. and I know that our families were praying and sending well wishes from wherever they were.

Our baby Grace was born on Mother's Day at 9:05am, at New River Valley Medical Center. Life has never been the same :)